Chrysler 300 Product Review

In my first experience with driving a vehicle sporting the Hemi motor, I found myself being impressed with how effortlessly the vehicle zipped through an intersection when the light turned green.

I had the opportunity to drive the higher end vehicle with the better motor and all of the "bells and whistles". Indeed, there were so many power options and other little oddities to the vehicle that I never did have the chance to test them all.

I was amused by the automatic windshield wipers that turned on to remove the morning dew and again in the slight sprinkle of rain during the day.

I found myself being entertained by the "memory" features that automatically return the seat and steering wheel to preset positions.

The factory sound system was one of the best I've come across, and I was able to turn the bass to maximum level and do the same with the volume without a lot of distortion. I was messing around with the radio long before I figured out where the cruise control was, so I was very fortunate in that apparently neither the state trooper nor the sheriff that were on the road I travel between my jobs had their speed gun sighted on me.

I feel I must admit that there's a little sumpin' sumpin' about driving a sporty new vehicle that elevates the driving experience. I saw that the other people on the streets were actually taking notice of the car I was driving instead of focusing their full attention on me and my "underwear model" good looks. (That should warrant some comments from my sisters. You guys have been a tough crowd recently!) :)

But my time with the vehicle was short lived, for it's not mine. It's the newest toy of the father figure. So on my last trip with the 300 - I opened the sunroof all the way, rolled the front windows down, set the cruise control (I'd figured out how to operate it at this point.), and popped in a CD with a good amount of "bass thump".

I then set off down the highway - aimed toward the father-figure's previous vehicle, which was in the shop being prepared for the change-of-ownership-type-repairs it needed before I would officially take ownership of it.

And here's the best part of the whole story - which involves the bag of garbage dad had on the floor of the car in the "shotgun" spot. I realize that garbage doesn't really seem to fit what I've said so far about the vehicle, but it fits any boast I might make about me looking anything like an underwear model. :) (Ha ha, SheilaValMo...You can't use that one!)

So, anyway... I'm driving down the highway when all of a sudden a Styrofoam coffee cup slowly rises up and out of the garbage bag like it's being lifted out by the fingers of an invisible passenger. (Mind you, this is the "Shotgun" spot... which was the most dangerous spot to be in for someone on a stagecoach that was being held up by anyone wishing to forcibly stop the stage. If it had been at night, I might have found this a little creepy.)

The cup continued to rise in slow-mo until it reached about neck level, where it hovered for a moment. At this point, any chance or hope I might have had to entertain the notion that I was having a supernatural encounter disappeared - for the cup began rotating in continually widening circles until it reached the outer rim of the wind tunnel created by the drafts coming through the roof and windows.

I couldn't help but laugh as I thought about what the oncoming traffic was probably seeing...

There was me, the incredibly attractive underwear model looking type...driving the mean and powerful (yet sporty) Chrysler 300 with it's 18 inch tires and wide-open sunroof...
and then there was the well lit little white Styrofoam cup that was continuously zipping along it's neck-level circular path, caught in the mini tornado above the passenger seat!

And it did this for over a mile before some fluctuation in the wind caused the cup to alter it's course. Or maybe my invisible passenger just felt like beating me about the head a few times with a Styrofoam cup. At any rate, the cup exited the vehicle through the driver side window and was lost to me.

If only I would have known it longer...drawn a face on it...gave it some grass hair...named it "Solo"...

(If you've never seen the movie "Castaway", you're not going to catch the feeble attempt at humor.)

So anyway, as far as the Chrysler 300 goes, the experience with the animated cup was the most notable. The reference to the "shotgun" position of the stagecoach is actually quite fitting as it pertains to the vehicle, as the thing rides like an antique horse-pulled carriage that still has the original wood spoke wheels on it. You feel every defect in the road as you go over it!

My recommendation? I've already grown quite fond of my "new" 2001 Cadillac Deville with it's 173,000 miles on it. It's the lowest end DeVille and still rides like a dream compared to the high-end Chrysler, plus it does far better on gas.


I need to spend some quality time with the Buick this weekend.
I'm feeling a little guilty over how readily I parked it.

So, looking for a name for the car. I was thinking Link for the Lincoln, Boo for the Buick, and Devi for the Cadillac DeVille. Also looking for someone who has free garage space or a pole-barn sized shed for sale in the Granite Falls area...

"Satan"

That's the name I have programmed in my phone for my ex. It gives me a lot of pleasure to have my phone ring and be able to show people that Satan is calling me.

Then I explain to them who Satan really is. If they find this amusing I go on to tell them that they can also call her Satan...
Or Lucifer...
Or just "Luc" for short. (Pronounced Loose)
Of course, I try to draw attention to that last one so they catch the double meaning. :)


Going in a different direction now...


Anyway, my notion of cleaning the floor by putting scrubby pads on my palm sander wasn't a complete success. But I don't think it'll be a complete failure, either.
While the contraption did a fantastic job of whipping up a nice foamy lather, it just wasn't aggressive enough to get the deep down dirt out of the linoleum.
(Maybe if I use Coke, or tomato juice, or something else with a lot of natural acids...)

On the other hand, I think it would work great for scrubbing off dead skin or skin that's peeling due to a sunburn - and would probably give a nice massage in the process!

If it works like I expect it to - or even if it doesn't work worth a crap but is advertised right (like that "Makin' Bacon" thing that was supposed to microwave bacon and have it be crisp and delicious) it's sure to be an instant success.

I figure to call it the "Super Uber...!"

Picture this. You see an add on T.V. for the "Super Uber Acne Remover!" which is being marketed to the high school crowd for use in cleaning their faces for prevention of pimples.
(For those who don't buy it early enough or those that were born ugly even with a clean complexion, there's always the option to put the sandpaper back on for complete face removal.)

Then, in about the middle of August when the super-centers start putting out the Christmas stuff, I'll have the production line change up the color a bit (a can of pink spray paint should do the trick) and I'll market it as "The Super Uber Massaging Loofah Exfoliater!"
I can market it, "What better way to tell that special woman in your life that you love her than by presenting her with the gift a palm sander and some dish scrubby pads?!"

Of course, the box would display a picture of some hottie being lovingly massaged on her delicate bare shoulders by the pink-palm-sander-and-scrubby-pad-combo, which would be being operated by some douchebag who is supposed to represent her significant other.

How could that NOT be the Christmas gift of 2009?!

I mean, really. How could it go wrong? It'd be damn cheap to mass produce so the mark-up would be so minimal that the supermarkets would be sure to display the "Super Uber...s" right alongside the tabloids and candy bars!

Unfortunately, the kids are with Satan for the next couple of weeks so I don't have them here to try it on my own back.

While I wait for them to navigate the inferno, I'll have to see if I can find some more aggressive scrubby pads to try on the floor and possibly the shower tiles.

I'll also be assigning names to the other people in my phone list so that I can show people that "Nature" is calling or something like that. Unfortunately, it won't let me assign the same name to a bunch of different contacts. I'd like to program everyone in my contacts list to display "Booty Call" on the phone screen...

and then leave the phone on the desk at work so the other guys see that little message pop up on the phone every time it rings! :)

Housecleaning Fun

Today I made my 12th trip in 3 weeks to Willmar for chiropractor appointments.

I brought the trailer with, and must admit it's a little tricky to hook it up by pushing down on the tailgate and trying to get the hitch to land on the ball than it is to just grab it by the hitch and drop it on.

But I'm feeling better, and hope to be able to get back to my home improvement projects soon, so I brought it with to get that arbor-archway thing I mentioned earlier.
(From Menards. 25% off even!)

On the way home I stopped in Clara City at the nursery along the road and bought a set of wind chimes I liked. They have a pleasing sound, although I don't have a ladder long enough to hang it high enough for the wind to really work it's magic on it. I've seen even larger versions of these wind chimes in Marshall that have magnificently deep, resonating sounds - but I'm still young enough where it's hard to justify the $17o+ price tag.

Maybe next year.
(Unless they run a half-price sale. Then you know it's gonna be mine!)

But that's all beside the point. I have something else to share with you.
For the first time ever, I'm looking forward to house cleaning!

In my last blog entry I'd mentioned that I Velcroed dish scrubby-pads to my feet and cleaned the floor that way. Well, I got to thinking about that - and if I can Velcro them to my feet then I should be able to get scrubby-pads to stick to my mouse/palm sander!

Hello!

If this works my kids will be fighting for the privilege to clean the floor!
And we can't let them fight, now. Can we? No-Sir-Ree-Bob!
I will then have reason to buy 2 more palm sanders!
(One for each of us, see?)

Of course, there's also the chance that this could wreck the linoleum.
And, well...
that might suck.

But if I have to take the kitchen appliances out to put new flooring in, there'd be a good chance of those same appliances not finding their way back in. (Silver lining - with a price tag.)

Anyway, I'll be sure to keep you posted on the results.

Stay tuned to this frequency for further details...

Laid Up

I'm still on the "inactive list" as far as one of my jobs is concerned. I'm back on for "light duty" at the other one, but only for about 5 hours of work per day. Of course, the physically demanding job thinks that if I've been cleared for 5 hours of "light duty" work, that the time should be split between the two jobs with 2.5 hours at each one.

I can see how they might think that as I'm sure nobody in the legal department has worked in the manual labor part of the company for many years (if ever) and probably assumes that "light duty" is similar to what they do. They are, of course, incredibly wrong on this point.

So today I faxed my "Report of Work Ability" sheet that the chiropractor gave me to all of my supervisors for both jobs. I included a note for the supervisor of the job I'm not currently at for him to give me a call when he got to work. However, it turns out he's on vacation this week as the call came from one of the other guys I work with.

He informed me that things are going fine there and that they are using "back" in their conversations as much as possible (referring to my back injury) and he thinks they might be up to using it about 1,000 times per night. I know they do this in good fun, and I'd be sure to chime in if it was one of them, so we laughed about that. He then told me that it looks like the company's legal dept. is sending a company nurse to one of my chiropractor visits this week.

I like to find the silver lining, and apparently he does as well, for we both jumped to the expectation that she'll be quite attractive and single. Helllooooooo, Nurse!!!

On other positive things that have come of this, my "mud room" entryway floor is the cleanest it's been in a really long time. I've found that I can wrap Velcro around my shoes and stick those dish scrubby pad things to the Velcro and use my feet to scrub the deep-down-dirt out of the linoleum, and then tidy it all up with a Swiffer Wet Jet...and no bending required!

Plus, I've decided that I should come up with a back brace that has a way to attach to a belt or goes through the belt loops so that it stays in place, and also has a pouch in back to slip in an ice pack. (I put this in here in hopes that someone else actually runs with that idea so that it's available if my back should ever go out again.)

Also, in my desire to not be useless, I've been thinking of ways to landscape "right" now so as to save myself from having to do future work. I have 20 railroad ties on my property that are waiting for me to move them to their permanent location in my grand landscaping scheme. I also have a stack of 40 or so bags of cypress bark. I'm not about to do anything with any of that until I've been cleared for work, but when I AM able to get back to the landscaping I'd like to attack the path I've been wanting to make. (This due to the huge half price Hostas I picked up that will go on either side of the archway. They should get in the ground before their roots get balled up any tighter.)

So my thought is this... If I were to take some of those floor mats that you find in the entryway to almost every business and apartment building (you know, rubber on the bottom and carpet on top) and line the pathway with those, the rubber should prevent a lot of the moisture from getting to any plant life underneath it - reducing the chance of "volunteer" vegetation poking out of the path. Plus, I'm hoping the sun's warmth would heat the mat enough for the rubber to torch whatever seeds are under the mats as they sprout. Then I can dump the bark chips on top of the mats and the thin bit of carpet should keep the bark from sliding out of place when being walked on, unlike what would happen if this was tried with landscaping plastic. Next, a little rock border to make sure the rugs stay weighed down and hidden, and it's time to add more plants to line the path!

I'm either so excited about this idea that I've wet myself...
or yet another ice pack has split open. Depends :)

C.S.I. - Granite Falls

It's been a while again since I last entered something.

I injured my back at one of my jobs and haven't been able to do much.
I've made 8 trips to the chiropractor and made my kids plant some of the flowers that still needed to get in the ground, but other than that I've been pretty useless.

This sucks bigtime. I have things to do.

And then one morning as I'm outside looking around and seeing everything that's not getting done, Boy 1 asks me if I'd taken the keys out of the lawnmowers.

And right away I knew there was a problem. Boy 1 and Boy 2 know that I get pissy when a rake or a shovel is not still where it was when I used it last. They would certainly know better than to mess with my more expensive lawn equipment.

After a quick search of the two lawn mowers there were no keys to be found. This meant that it wasn't simply one of my co-workers messing with me. It means that a kid has been to our house and pilfered my keys. So...I had my kids call all of their friends who'd been over recently, knowing full well that no kid would actually admit to taking the keys - but I still felt it necessary to have my kids be aware that the situation is cause for some concern.

It's not a huge deal as lawn mower keys are pretty universal. If you have a Craftsman key, you can steal...um, I mean start...pretty much any Craftsman lawnmower. I know this because mom has a Craftsman lawnmower and two of mine are also that brand. (And yes, all of them were bought new and not stolen!) Plus, the spare keys to the Cub Cadet were still where I left them, which only leaves me with the task of finding keys to fit the "red" lawnmower.

But what really put things in perspective was the sight of the big white "Crime Scene Investigation" van that was parked a few blocks down the road from my little dead-end street today. The house it was parked in front of had the entire yard blocked with that "Do Not Cross" yellow plastic.

It's not a run-down house. And it's not one that leaves the light on all night and has people of various ages that stop by for about a 6 minute visit like some houses that I'd be sure to stop at if I wore a badge, carried a gun, and operated the canine unit. It's just an average house.

I don't know the full story yet, but I've heard there was a multiple stabbing there this morning that left at least one person dead. (Unconfirmed at this time, of course.)
At any rate, there's been a lot of police traffic all day at that address.

Lawnmower keys be damned. Things could be worse.

A Spear and a Loincloth. I AM MAN!

Sorry I haven't updated for awhile. I've been busy. My back hurts, my arms hurt, and I have a knot in my left shoulder blade. Both hands and a leg have lost blood. I have blisters and slivers and the start of a sunburn. It was a good vacation!

I spent a lot of time working on the patio and gardens. The shortened version of what I accomplished would be to simply say "I moved a pile of dirt."


The long version is:
- The garden area in front of my house has been weeded and is ready for more plants.
- I completed the building of the 16x14ft box garden behind the swingy thing on the patio.
- The trees lining the patio have been cut back and thinned out a bit.
- With the help of my kids and my new pickaxes (Yes, 2 of them. The kids wanted to swing one and the one I got for me was too heavy for them.) we attacked a pile of dirt someone had left on the empty lot before I acquired it. It had a lot of small trees growing out of it. The trees made a formidable network of roots that made moving the dirt quite difficult. We conquered it and now more of the rock wall on one side of the patio is exposed again.
- The dirt from the pile-o-dirt has been used to fill in the box garden. This done mostly by bribing boy 1 with money to run the wheelbarrow while I attacked the root fortress.
- Many perennials have been planted. Some were bought, some were transplanted from mom's or a friend's or from my own place.
- Mulch has been applied and this particular project could be considered complete. (There's always something else that could and will be added later.)


Gardening is good therapy unless your insanity stems from not being able to control your gardening passion. The perennials came from Redwood Falls, Marshall, Willmar, Granite Falls, Montevideo, and Wood Lake. I have plants from 4 different nurseries as well as from Hy-Vee, 4 Walmarts, Shopko, Home Depot, Menards, 2 or 3 Runnings, and those that I got free from other gardens.

And I want more!
And it's the time of the year where they start running the half price sales! And now I've found an arbor arch that I think is wide enough to drive a lawnmower through that would be perfect for the street side of the path coming through the grove near (from as of yet unstarted - except for some of the plants already being in my possession) garden "Hosta La Vista, Baby!
Whatever shall I do?!

The pickaxes are both double sided, like an anchor, only 1 side is a spike and the other is shaped more like a heavy duty hoe. After I had picked up the second pickax from the local True Value, I gave it to Boy 2 first. I stood back and watched him for a bit. Then, for my own amusement, I grabbed the end closest to me on one of his upswings and yelled "OW!" He thought he'd actually hit me and the look on his face when he swung around was absolutely priceless, as was the expression change as he realized I was messing with him. He scolded me and said I wasn't funny, but he was laughing at the same time. It was even more funny as in my effort to NOT get hit, I'd missed the grab on the first two attempts and he didn't notice my shadow. It's one of those things a person wishes they would have taped.


So as I was thinning out the trees and cutting back branches that were filling in spots where I didn't want them to be, I ran some through the chipper/shredder to use as mulch around the Hostas in The Garden of Sexual Innuendo.


Many of the branches were from those trees that get those little berries on them that birds like and people can't eat. Those trees have evil little spikes on them, thus accounting for my slivers. In retaliation and so that I wouldn't get more slivers, these trees were burned - and so were all the roots from the root fortress. To keep the fire going we added wood from the wood pile I have for fire pit use. And Holy. Toly. Doe - the fire pit sure was used!


And then, when I decided to call it a day and the fire had burned itself out, I used the fire pit to make steaks. I put a patio block in each corner and put the grate on them so that it wouldn't rest in the embers and ash. Armed with only my "grill sized metal spatula", a plate, a knife, a fork, and my super sized 50 cent can of Morton Iodized Salt, I made my steaks.


It was the first time I'd ever attempted to do this. I have never even grilled.


And maybe my steaks didn't have the "hickory smoked" flavor that advertisers like to promote. And maybe they didn't have the charcoal flavor that charcoal enthusiasts prefer.
What I would describe them as possibly having would be, "A fine blend of white birch, cedar, and boxelder, along with the likely cottonwood, apple, and mulberry...and a whole lot of evil-spikey-berry-tree-branches and many roots...along with just a dash of ash bore and a splash of dutch elm disease and just the slightest pinch of lingering poisonous black smoke from burning plastic mulch bags".


At any rate, my steaks were The Bomb Diggiddy. I mean...They. Were. Good!!!

And as I sat before my conquered steer and listened to the fat sizzle and watched the blood and grease drip through the grate and hiss and sputter and create little flames in the embers below, I fully expected the ghosts of a thousand Norsemen and Viking Berserkers to arise from the ground and beat their chests and shields and pound their spears on the earth and blow their animal horn bugles while the God of Beef and the God of Fire came riding up on their Harleys to present me with The Staff of Manhood, for I most certainly had just achieved some major milestone in a guy's life.

But as I waited, all I heard was the sound of birds happily going about their business. I also heard some crickets. And apparently I'd pissed off a squirrel - judging by the barrage of angry sounding squirrel chatter coming from the little beasty.

And as a tribute to the fallen steer I made sure I didn't waste any of the beef. I ate well and threw the bones to the side of the patio that will be next years vacation project. When the wild animals and birds have picked the bones clean and the sun has bleached them and dried them up, perhaps they too will run through the chipper/shredder to be used as mulch for my plants. For I am man. Primitive, but with motorized yard equipment!

Color

Wow! It's a hot one today! I guess I'll stay inside and finish off the post I started on June 9th or so, and then start a new one for today.

So anyway, I think I saw fireflies last night by the corner where the Cottonwood detour starts. I wasn't positive on this, and I was running late so I had to keep going. I shut the lights off for part of the detour to see if I could verify that I'd seen the fireflies, but it ended up being too light to see if the fireflies were in the ditches and too dark to comfortably drive with the lights off. But anyway, I still like seeing them every summer.

And this ties in with what I wanted to blog about today.

Someone out there has developed a seedless watermelon. Research has been done so that daylilies come in probably hundreds of colors and color combinations. Why hasn't someone done the same for the dandelion?

A seedless dandelion with a variety of colors! No more lawn maintenance! Woo hoo!
"Hey neighbor, where did you get that sweet purple dandelion? I've gotta get some of those for my own lawn!"

I'm talking about a World Happiness kind of thing, here!

And how about my little firefly friends? They are neat as they are, and maybe the sexes wouldn't be attracted to each other if their little @$$e$ were red and green and pink and blue instead of that whitish-yellow that they come in.

And they are, after all, living creatures doing their own thing.

So rather than develop new strains of bugs ('cause we still have plenty), how about making bug zappers that have color changing bulbs?

I'm tellin' ya, put a couple of those next to each other and the fireworks display would provide HOURS of entertainment! Just think of the reductions in pesticides!

Once again, your host. Single handedly saving the planet. :)