Can I get a price check?

Ok. Here's the thing about Wal-Mart.

They have this handy "Open 24-7" thing at the larger centers

I don't know if there are any left that don't fall into the "larger center" category, but I have 4 of the always open kind within a 45 minute drive.

And somehow, whenever I go, I end up leaving with a few extra things I didn't realize or forgot I needed.

So, I made my Halloween candy run... to Marshall. They told me that the person who marks down the candy is on vacation and someone is coming in at 5:00am to take care of it. But I was on a chocolate buying mission and was not about to be thwarted so easily, so I just bought some eggs, laundry detergent, and something else that I can't think of right now but must have remembered I needed when I saw it.

And then I went to the Wal-Mart in Montevideo. (I'm not a big fan of the Wal-Mart in Montevideo. They don't leave the greenhouse area unlocked on Sunday and overnight in the summer. But like I said, there was candy that needed purchasing.)

So now I'm at the Montevideo Wal-Mart and I have a couple bags of candy - but I don't know if it's half price yet. I wander all the way across the store trying to find one of those damn price scanning things, but fail to do so. I can't help but wonder if any of the 5,560 kids that have been found and returned by Wal-Mart's "Missing People" thing were located by shoppers who were wandering around the store trying to find a price scanner.

I finally find one of the overnight people who leads me to a price scanner and teaches me an important lesson that I would like to pass on to you, my devoted following, here.

If you are in Wal-Mart and need to check a price, look for the support posts that have a blue line on them. If there is a blue line on the post, there is also a scanning thingy on it.
Bonus feelings of happiness are yours if the thing works.

If the post has a red line on it, there is a fire extinguisher on the post. Someone with less patience than you and I might try burning the place down after wandering all the way across the store without finding an employee or a scanning thingy. You can put out the fire, keep the consumer costs low, save the day, and educate the disgruntled shopper on how to significantly improve their shopping experience!

Note: This info is valid for all Wal-Marts. I've double checked at the ones I go to so as to be sure I'm giving you accurate information. Some posts have both a scanner and a fire extinguisher and apparently found favor with the guys distributing the red and blue lines. And some posts have nothing on them. Feel free to feel sorry for these posts, and maybe give them a hug.

So, back to the candy business. Yes, the scanning thing verified that at least some of it was half off. Good enough. Bought a bunch and went home.

But then, the next day, I find the empty cat food bag under Todd's bed. I don't know exactly why he folded it up so nicely and put it under his bed, especially since the bedding itself was on the floor in David's room, but I made the connection that the cat must need food.

So I made a list because it's back to Wal-Mart time again. (If the Mom and Pop Shops were open between midnight and 4am, I'd shop there, too.)

I usually prefer to not shop with a list because I've heard somewhere that when you see a male in a store with a list it's because his wife sent him there with it. I don't want a potential girlfriend to dismiss me because she thinks I'm already taken, so I cleverly stick the post-it containing the list inside my checkbook cover. (Yes, I realize that she might think I'm glancing at my checkbook account to see if I can afford the two packages of hamburger buns I've placed in my cart, which doesn't really give one the impression that I won't get dismissed even quicker, but it's my story, so let me tell it how I see fit.)

So on my list I have cat food, milk, socks, roast seasoning, and gravy. (I made the kids beef commercials last weekend. They were highly impressed and have asked me to repeat the performance. I told them the story about how the first one I ever had I was with their grandpa and we were at the Nowacki Gas Station in wherever and so on.) Anyway, should be about 40 bucks.

* Doodles and Sindee - Nowacki is our last name, in case you're wondering what the significance is.
** Creepy Internet Stalkers of Boys - You can now find us. I still don't value your life. Keep that in mind.

Back to the story. :)

The Schwan's guy didn't have any corn left on his truck on his last visit so I checked out the frozen veggies. Mom had told me I should try the microwavable "steam fresh" veggies, so I picked up a couple of bags. But right next to the corn they had steam fresh brussel sprouts, and I have always found brussel sprouts to taste kind of disgusting and thought they looked like the evil alien pod things on "Invasion of the Body Snatchers". So I bought a bag of those, too. Cuz really, who doesn't enjoy pretending they're snacking on evil fetal embryonic alien lifeforms?

And then I see the pre-flame-broiled burgers on an end cap. Marked down to $1 from $6-something? I better get 8 in case they're good! And what's this? Bacon wrapped steaks that were originally $11-something and are on sale for $4? HolyTolyDoly! I must buy 12!!!

And some oil for the deep fryer, because it's getting low, and maybe 4 boxes of cereal because we might be low on that. (Oops...still have 11 boxes at home. My bad.) And so on.

So anyway, I leave with considerably more than what I had on the list.
I had no idea how much stuff I needed!

And today is beautiful! I started a fire in the the old fire pit when I got home from work this morning, added more wood when I got up this afternoon, and have it all ready to whip up some of those steaks when the kids get home from school. I hope the weather is as nice where you are!

Latin translations by Chad

"Cogito, ergo sum"
I think, therefore I am.

"Cogito, eggo sum"
I think, therefore I am a waffle.
(I think a waffle I am?)

"Cogito, eggo some"
I think I'll eat some waffles. With sausage and bacon and eggs and hashbrowns and syrup.
Oh! Have the cooks throw some ham and pancakes on there, too. Let's go scrambled with the eggs this time. Tell 'em not to be stingy with the meat and I'll give you a little exta for your tip. Sorry about that name of yours...

Inventory: Candy

Halloween approaches. I'm staying home this year.
Todd plans to join some friends for one last round of trick-or-treating and David already has friends lined up to come over. (Todd's group is welcome to come over before, and/or after they're finished.) I've got at least 3 boxes of Schwan's cookie dough in the freezer and have 8 punches left on the Casey's school-basketball-fundraiser-punch-card. (Buy a large pizza, get a medium free.) And I have candy to give out since I can't turn the lights off and pretend I'm not home with a house full of kids!

Things are set.

The first few candy collectors will get a bag of Nerds Coated Jelly Beans. (I picked up a bunch of these somewhere along the way and have found that - once opened - they will ALWAYS manage to dump out on the car seat. Not a big deal for the last month-and-a-half, but if the sun would ever come out they'd melt if not found in time.)

After that the candy I'm giving out is what's left from the Midnight-o-Five-day-after-Halloween-Walmart half-price-candy-sale-run I made last Halloween. I'm not expecting the little monsters that show up to be too discerning, but I have a nice mixture put together for eye appeal.

It's OK that it's a year old. Sugar is about the only food that will last nearly forever if stored properly - and Pixie Sticks are just colored, flavored sugar. The Twizzlers and Jolly Ranchers don't stick to the plastic and taste right. Trust me. I sampled plenty. It's all still good. :)

Butlemmetelluwut... Somewhere between Midnight-o-Five and Uno AM I'll be back at Wally for a refill shopping cart full of bags of any candy bars they have left, 'cuz I ran out of Midnight-o-Five day-after-Easter Cadbury and Snickers Eggs a couple weeks ago and I've got a chocolate craving like you wouldn't believe!

Happy Halloween!!!

Chinese Zodiac: A Guide on Relationships?

A few months ago, I mentioned I'd met someone I was interested in. The interest faded, but while we were seeing each other she asked me if I had any single friends I could set up with one of her single friends.

And at this point I realized that I don't. I'm the last one!
Duke met a girl from CA while playing "World of Warcraft" who has moved to MN and lives with him. Mike got married and had a kid so we won't see much of him for a few years. Keith met and married someone he found on Match.com or one of those type deals. Steve, Dustin, Josh, Dave...all new dads. And so on.

Me? I've pretty much just been single for the last 5 or so years.
Many of my co-workers are around 10 years younger than I am, and all of them at that age are now married. I offer no advice to them when they complain about how often their wives call them at work, or tell stories like "My wife spent $350 on curtains and forgot to tell me she put it on the credit card so when I used it..." because I know they're lucky to have that person in their life to give them a little chaos.

They've told me that I'm too picky. But I'm not. It's more that I just never ask anyone out.
When I do get around to dating, I hope it's someone that's single, straight, reasonably intelligent, attractive to me, attracted to me, with their dominant mood being "happy". I figure if that person finds those qualities in me and is accepting of those qualities, we should do just fine!


I did go on a blind date - once - in the last few years.
She is part Native American, has 8 kids, and wants 2 more.
Anyone care to join me in singing a round of "One little, two little, three little ind...?"
Oops, there goes the tact again. :)

I love my kids, but I only have 2. If I were a female and had 8 kids I'd ask the doctor to tie my tubes.

Around my neck.


Having realized that I now no longer have people readily available to call on any given Saturday to go do stuff with, I find I'm fine with that. I'm happy for them and I hope their relationships are strong and last through whatever trials that are placed before them.

But, maybe one day someone will happen to catch my eye, and I'll say something witty and clever, and I'll find myself dating.

So...

Went to supper with mom at a Chinese restaurant in her town. I go there maybe three times a year but the guy that owns the place always remembers what I get.
(Today, I drove right past the small engine place I needed to stop at. I drove over 30 miles to get there and completely blanked it out that I was supposed to turn when I got to it and had to circle back. And he can remember customers and their eating preferences. It's not fair!)

Anyway, the paper placemats at this restaurant were those that have the Chinese Zodiac on them, and it also offers advice on relationships. I always browse thru the info to see what years the girls I'm supposed to date were born.

According to the placemat, "The Chinese Zodiac consists of a 12 year cycle. Each year of which is named after a different animal that imparts distict characteristics to its year." It goes on to say that the year we were born is the primary factor in determining our personality traits, physical and mental attributes, and the degree of success and happiness we'll have in our lifetimes.

So here's what I found out.

I'm an Ox. If you were born in 1973 you are also an Ox. There are worse names assigned to some of the other years, so deal with it.

The Ox is marked as being "Bright, patient, and inspiring to others. You can be happy by yourself, yet make an outstanding parent."

Fantastic!

But then it goes on to say that the Sheep will bring trouble and to marry a Snake or a Cock.

Hello! Creepy sexual overtones there!!!

I call the kids' mom "Satan". The biblical Satan was a snake at one point. But they don't mean it literally to marry someone that's a snake so I guess I botched that one. And so I read on.

The Snake (born 1977, 1985, etc.) is described as follows...
"Wise and intense with a tendency towards physical beauty. (sweet!) Vain and high tempered.(crap.) The boar is the snakes enemy and the Cock and Ox are your best signs."

So then I checked out the Cock. *snicker*

The Cock (born 1969, 1981) is defined as "A pioneer in spirit, you are devoted to work and quest after knowledge. (Good, she'll be able to carry an intelligent conversation.) You are selfish and eccentric. (again...crap.) Rabbits are trouble. Snakes and oxen are fine.

So then I checked out to see what the problem was with Rabbits and Boars. (Both had better descriptions as far as my personal preference goes.)

The Rabbit (born 1963, 1975, 1987) is the "Luckiest of all signs, you are also talented and articulate. Affectionate, yet shy. You seek peace throughout your life...Your opposite is the Cock."

Opposite? Ouch. So now the Cock is the unluckiest of all the signs and is also a no-talent, harsh-spoken, unloving, chaos seeking soul that isn't afraid to get in peoples faces because she most likely feels superior to them intellectually and expects them to place her on a pedestal.

I see why China still has arranged marriages. If this was the advice they followed in seeking their own soulmates, they probably wouldn't have the population situation they're faced with!

The Boar, then, is described...

Actually, let's pause here while I adjust to the strong scent of alcohol coming from the lady that just sat at the computer station next to me here at the Marshall Library.
Ish. It's not even noon yet. And she's old!
Goodgawdahmighty! I think she bathes in booze! No H1N1 germs will last on this one!
I'm ghandi.

(we pause here for station identification)

Ok. over 12 hours later but I'm back on and ready now.

The Boar (born 1971, 1983) is described as "Noble and chivalrous. Your friends will be lifelong, yet you are prone to marital strife. Avoid other Boars."
(Too bad it's Cock instead of Chicken. The Zodiac would have to pair Boar with Chicken. Everyone knows Boar and Chicken go together like...bacon and eggs.)

Well, thankfully that didn't add anything else to make the Snakes less appealing! (Actually, unless I'm an oddball Ox, the Boar description fits us as well!)

And it's a good thing an Ox can be happy by his/herself with glowing reports like these for the type of people we're supposed to pair with!

Hopefully the horoscope has good things in store for "Aquarius". I'm a little tired of the mismatched sheets and blankets that have served as my window coverings for the last few years. Nobody here to "help pick out curtains"...

So I bought a new belt for the riding lawnmower. And then bought a new pushmower.
Cub Cadet 6.75 OHV RWD 3in1 with bagger attachments. Bring on the daytime!!!

Cloud Cover

The part of me that uses solar power is running low on charge.

Yay, tho I walk through the valley of the shadow of death...
I will see no shadows, for the damn clouds are blocking the sunlight.

When I went to bed today, I told the kids to wake me up if the sun came out.

Maybe tomorrow. Otherwise I hope the other orphans pull Annie's hair.

Marshmallow Root and Gelatin

When Val came from California, she brought me herbal supplements to help the stomach situation. They're "Dr. Schulze's Original Clinical Formulae (spelled like that) Since 1979."

These happen to be packets of "Formula #2".

I got to thinking that maybe "Formula #1" killed too many people, so I read the ingredients.

They include things like Activated Willow Charcoal (so you can have gas or use charcoal), Pharmaceutical Grade Bentonite Clay (so you can make a mold of your intestines?), Slippery Elm bark (laxative?), and Cayenne pepper blend (because nothing settles a stomach like peppers).

There were a few other ingredients, like flax seed and apple pectin, but the one that really threw me off was Marshmallow root.

I didn't think marshmallows were from plants. I thought they were your usual combination of sugar and corn syrup (from plants, yes...but still)

So I checked the ingredients of marshmallows and it turns out I was right. And one of the other ingredients is gelatin.

"So what is this Marshmallow root", I asked myself.

Googled it. Asked Jeeves. Wikipedia.

Althaea is a genus of 6-12 species of perennial herbs, including the marshmallow plant whence the fluffy sweet confection got its name...found on the banks of rivers and salt marshes (marsh...mallow?). The genus formerly included a number of additional species now treated in the genus Alcea (Hollyhocks).

One of the chemical constituents of the marshmallow plant is phenolic acids.
(Yes, please add acid to the Cayenne pepper blend. Great for acid reflux.)

According to the site on Wikipedia, the uses of the marshmallow plant vary - from treating mouth and throat ulcers by gargling, to using the flowers and leaves used in salads or for cosmetic treatment of the skin, to being used in the Middle East for cleaning Persian Carpets.

The marshmallow as we know it is named for a confection dating back to Egyptian antiquity.
It was a honey-sweetened, eggwhite meringue often flavored with rose water.
However, the contemporary commercially available marshmallows no longer contain any actual marshmallow. (Which is a pity, because there's a Hemp Leaved Marshmallow plant as well as a Hairy Marshmallow. They would have made for some interesting s'mores.)

Like I said earlier, they do contain gelatin. The first two ingredients were the sugar and corn syrup, so they do have plant properties, but gelatin is derived mainly from pork, cattle, and horses. "Contrary to popular belief, horns and hooves are not used." So if you feel like snacking on a horse hoof you'll have to find something other than gummy worms, jello, or marshmallows.

Besides the food uses, Wikipedia lists gelatin's uses as the glossy stuff on playing cards, the glue that's used as a binder on match heads and sandpaper, the agent that makes soft drinks containing beta-carotene turn yellow, the outside capsule of prescription pills and paintballs, and so on. Professional lighting equipment uses color gels to change the beam color, and virtually all photographic films and photographic papers use gelatin. Gelatin, like the marshmallow plant, has cosmetic uses.

Wow. All that and you can "watch it wiggle, see it jiggle".

But I think the most useful thing I learned in researching gelatin and marshmallow root was from a side article on marshmallow root, which said something about it being useful in exorcisms after sprinkling powdered marshmallow root over tarot cards. I don't know if tarot cards have a glossy gelatin coating or not, and I don't have any anyway. But if I ever come home and find my kids scurrying across the ceiling, I'll be better prepared!

Why is it that a fly swatted on a desk top is often just stunned and will later fly away, but a fly swatted on needed papers will die instantly and leave at least a 3 inch splatter?