As I understand...

... in the "Balloon Boy" hoax, the parents pretended their son had accidentally lifted off from the Earth in an experimental weather balloon.

Of course, there was much publicity over this event and public concern for the missing child.

But when they played the recording over the radio of the neighbor being interviewed, he said something along the line of being drawn to the commotion by one of the parents running around the outside of the residence calling the name of the missing son, and that two of the other children were on the roof (with a camera) and one of them said their brother was in the balloon.

And I thought to myself...
"Are you serious? BOTH parents are home and neither of them know that one of their children has possibly taken up flight, while two more are on the roof?! I'm thinking 'Protective Services' might be in order here."

And then I thought...

"Why'd they have the camera? And why were they on the roof in the first place? I thought this was supposed to be an accidental launch."



And then there's the Haiti hurricane situation. I told my coworkers that very night that it would be a perfect scenario for child trafficking. Then some SAVE THE WORLD!!! activist said that it was the responsibility of the U.S. to bring the orphans here.

Me thinks to myself..."Ouch. Bad idea there, Pandora!"

And sure enough, the radio tells me that 20 American missionaries were being held for trafficking children.

My thought?

"20 Americans? TWENTY? at the same time? organized that quickly for the purpose of smuggling orphans?

Bullshit.

Your country is going through a terrible tragedy, your people are suffering, and the first thing you do is target the country that's in the best position to assist?!!! What exactly is being done there that's so incredibly wrong that you would create this fiasco to divert the media's attention?!"

And this morning the radio told me only one of the detained Americans still remains in custody. If that person is allowed to go, will the media find evidence of what was really going on? Why haven't they already?



And maybe it's that I just don't have a lot of faith in people in general, but there's ALWAYS someone out there just waiting to jump on some Get Rich Quick plan.

So last night that radio tells me of this scenario...

The owner of a Toyota Prius has the accelerator problem that's been so widely covered as of late.
Two different news people report that the driver of the vehicle stated that he tried everything to get the vehicle to slow down - all the way to the point of reaching down and manually pulling up on the accelerator with his hand - before calling 911 and having the local police walk him through how to stop the vehicle using his E-brake. (He is reported to have reached a speed over 90mph.)

First - If he's old enough to where he's actually willing to drive a Prius - let alone afford it - he should have had a driver's training class that covered how to stop the vehicle if the brakes were to fail.

Second - He tried everything? It occurred to him to call 911 on his cell phone - at 90mph...but it didn't occur to him to...um...turn the key to the 'Off' position?

Cuz' I've had two cars (see * for more info) accelerate on me and turning the thing off was the first thing I thought both times. Well, maybe the 2nd thing. The first was probably, "Shit. My car is speeding up by itself. Hope this doesn't cost much to fix."

And really, with as much unwanted publicity that Toyota has taken over this, I'd think that by now you'd have wondered how you'd go about stopping your Toyota if it went all Herbie or Christine or Bumblebee on you.

Of course, unless you're still driving a car that doesn't have power steering, you need to put the car in neutral and restart it right away. Especially so if there's need for urgent use of the power brakes or if you are on a curve.


I'm glad I buy used cars. I'd sure hate to buy one new, have it recalled, and then have it seem that all the stupid people in the world were driving the same kind of car I chose. (Although I kind of wish I had a Toyota now so I could haul ass down the road. I'd put a sign in the back window saying..."Sorry Officer. Can't stop. Accelerator sticking.")

I wonder if Toyota vehicles will top the "Most Stolen" lists again THIS year.


And there's today's ramblings.

I'm ending this post much the same as the last one, but with an apology included.
I'd missed that another one of my high school friends had found this and therefore didn't throw a shout-out in her direction. So... Hi, Judy! Sorry I missed you last time! :)


*(1) - 1987 Chevy Celebrity Eurosport (Satan's college car) - I hit a monster snowdrift at a good clip. The engine was so full of snow that it knocked the belt off. Once the belt was back on it ran again...but was as anxious to get to a heated garage as a horse is to get home after a long ride.

*(2) - 1997 Buick LeSabre (Yup. The one I still have) - Sped up by itself just one time. The cruise control has worked sporadically since then. Hmmm...CC, Toyota?

My Current State of Being

So. I don't know if it's that the winter is doing it's annual Drag-Out-Longer-Than-Desired performance or if it's just that I never exercise just for the sake of exercising and have a lousy diet and sleep schedule, but I'm absolutely shot.

I've even been having trouble staying awake on the drive back to Granite after Job2 to while on my way to Job1. (I realize that's a little confusing, but Job1 hired me a few months before the current position was accepted at Job2, and pays better...so it remains Job1 in my head even if I now work them in the opposite order.)

It's not so bad that I'm seeing 'The Red Semi That Isn't There' like happened a couple times during daylight hours over the last couple years...or maybe I am and I can't tell it's red because it's dark. At any rate, I have the last bag of Halloween candy in the car to make sure I don't actually fall asleep. (Warheads, LemonHeads, Atomic Fire Balls, and Sour Patch Kids are a good supplement to caffeine for overcoming drowsy driving.)

If it wasn't so damn cold I'd just find me a nice field approach and take a little snooze. But being overtired like I am, I'd probably zonk out something severe and succumb to carbon monoxide poisoning from the running car.

So anyway, as I was standing in WalMart after working Job2 this morning, the little jingle that alerts me to missed phone calls went off - and there was a message on there saying that the person who is now working my former position at Job1 was training at another center and that it was requested that I fill in for the night.

Mixed reactions to that.

Sure, this means I could get some more sleep time in before going to work again - but I was planning on attending a Pampered Chef party tonight. It was being hosted by a friend who's just getting started in the business and it was her first party. I wanted to go partly to help her out, and partly because I'm a little tired of cupboards full of plastic storage containers that say 'Schwan's' or 'Cool-Whip' on them.

Oh. And partly because I figured I'd be about the only guy at the party.

And here I was planning to get at least 3 more of their oven timers to use as alarm clocks in whichever car I was using...for severe cases when the sour candies possibly wouldn't do the trick and the chance of carbon monoxide poisoning is a better risk than the possibility of an accident.

I was a little surprised that none of the guys at Job2 questioned why I was sitting in the break room flipping through a 'The Pampered Chef' catalog a couple times this week. I suppose they no longer find it unexpected. After all, I've brought in several different flower and bulb catalogs ('Roots and Rhizomes' is probably my favorite. Lots of daylily and hosta pictures.) as well as catalogs such as 'The Pyramid Collection'. (Not sure how I got on that mailing list. I'd guess it's from buying the fairy garden statues through Design Toscano.)

But it just wasn't to be.

Oh well. It's Friday, and I haven't updated the blog for a while. Work is done for the week and now I've got the blog update covered, too. I've been toying with the idea of putting a post on here relating to church and God and the like, but have it from my own perspective...which means it would be slightly twisted like my take on things scientific in nature.

No...I'm not saying God is magnetic.
Although if I spent some time thinking about it, I'm sure I'd figure a way to argue the point.

Anyway, like I'd mentioned around 65 posts ago, I'm not a very good Catholic... if attending church is a defining criteria. Other than that, I feel I'm on pretty good ground with the higher power I believe in.

So sometime soon I'll get a post on here relative to this subject.

If lighting strikes me dead or I get hit by 'The Red Semi That Actually WAS There', then I guess that this particular post wasn't meant to be any more than me attending the cookware party tonight!

And Sheila, (sister. Google Lindemoenratrace for her blog) you're right. February sucks. They should shorten it up another 11 days.

On a final note... Hi, Heidi!
(One of the few people I considered a true friend in high school. She sent a message on Facebook saying she'd stopped by and read my blog and that she misses my humor.)

Ack-O-Matic

My 46 year old Ack-O-Matic boiler had some issues this week.

I went to work early on Sunday morning and when I walked in at 5:30 pm I said, "It's cold in here!"

David said, "I noticed that when I got up this morning."

So after I checked to make sure the pilot light had indeed gone out, and relit said pilot light, I again explained to my kids about how there are certain things that they should really call me about right away.

So Monday comes along and I have a plumber guy come out who installs some new parts in my long-past-intended-useful-life boiler. Amid the noise he made and the noise made by 5 teenagers (no school - snow) who spent the day neutralizing each other on a video game, there wasn't much sleep...although Dangit (the cat) was even more snuggelly than usual and served as a decent source of heat while I was trying to sleep between all the banging and name-calling.

Then, while I was at work on Tuesday, the radio personalities said that some statistic shows that cat people tend to be smarter than dog people...by about 38% or something like that...when factoring in higher education and such.

And last night, while I was at the other job, a stray cat showed up at the building.
"Hmmmmm", I thought to myself. "I think I'll double the educational gap between myself and all of my dog-owning neighbors."

So I ignored the fact that half of my neighbors either currently are or are retired teachers and brought the stray cat home.

It's going to have to be an outside cat for now. It's full of cockle burrs and smells like a barn. Plus, she's not declawed and I'd hate to find that she'd used my dinner table for a scratching post.

I do hope she sticks around. I've decided to name her "Phukoff". That way, when my neighbors are back from Arizona (they go every winter) and the weather is nice, I can walk outside while they're camped out under the canopy of the camper they have (which fills a good portion of my little dead-end street) and say...

"Dangit! Phukoff!"

...and walk back in. :)

Infested

When I was just a wee young lad, I had quite a few Matchbox and Hot Wheels cars.

(Actually, I still have them...somewhere in mom's attic.)

I don't remember how exactly it came about that I now only collect one particular style of car, or why I decided that I was going to go with the Volkswagen beetle - but ever since my pre-teen years I've only collected that particular car, and only in the Johnny Lightning/Hot Wheels/Ertl/Matchbox size.

This was actually a good idea as far as collecting goes. It kept the interest going and it kept the cost down. And even though it's more difficult to find just one type of car, I've still managed to piece together a sizable collection. I have one that's a clock, two that transform into robots, several that have working lights and sirens, one that lifts off the frame, and some with opening hoods and some that change colors depending on the temperature.

Many of them are still in their original packaging.


I have most of them displayed at the Granite Falls Public Library in the display case they have. I had to build 3 additional shelves and still couldn't fit the entire collection in...but it was colorful and looked sweet!

(Val - the one that's actually yours is in there. If you can identify it I'll give it back.) :)

I then added a can of Raid and a can of Hot Shot bug fogger, and placed a sign inside the display with what info I felt like including about myself. (My name and city.)

On the sign, I also added the title for the display - Infested
(Hopefully a few people make the connection.) :)

I should have David swing down and take a picture.

The Fog of Winter

Isn't a nice fog in the middle of winter just fun?!

I spent a good part of Saturday shovelling the snow off my roof in case this next round dumps more on us.

I'm hearing it's supposed to start again by the end of the week, but I'm also hearing it'll most likely miss my area.

Whatever. I'll take either.

But anyway, the break from the cold was sure welcome. And I'm amused by the fog that rolled in over the last couple of day due to this extreme temperature change. (Or whatever it is that causes fog in January.)


As you already know, I do most of my driving at night. I finally switched to mornings at UPS - so now instead of showing up late to Schwan's I just leave early. A bonus to that is that while I'm on my way to Schwan's, many of the cars I meet are driven by people on their way to Intoxication instead of those who have already visited.

And then there was the fog.


I like fog. I like the way it rests in the valleys of the Granite Falls Scenic Overlook when I'm driving home in the mornings. I used to love it when it pooled on the playground back in grade school, causing my feet to disappear. I like it when it hovers just above my car as I'm driving down the road, or when it's all wispy and spread out. And I like how a thick fog can disorientate you and how oncoming cars look like ghostly blobs until the headlights pierce through.


But I really enjoy the unique qualities of a winter fog at night. I like the way the trees on a well lit street or parking lot seem to have extra character, and how the snow covered ground seems somehow beautiful and mysterious, and how the highway signs sort of look like creepy murderous hitchhikers waiting in the dark...

No, wait. Not that one so much. :)

And then, when the fog lifted, the trees and shrubs had a frost on them that made them look they'd been rolled in pure white cotton candy and powdered sugar. It would have made for many excellent pictures. So naturally, I didn't take any. (Sheila, I would have LOVED to have you drive up and take pictures of the kids to put on next years Christmas card. Just one. For me. Unless you'd also take care of sending them out if I bought a bunch of stamps.)


Although I must admit, even with all of the things I DO like about fog, I'll probably scream like a little girl if I ever come up on deer...or anything else that doesn't move...while driving in one of those thick fogs.


And maybe I've seen too many movies, but when I'm driving on a fogless night and I meet an oncoming car...there's many times where both the driver of that car and I will both switch to low-beam at what seems like the exact same time.

It makes me wonder if I'm driving toward a me from a parallel universe or alternate reality and if we'll cancel each other out by sharing the same space at the point where we meet.

That's some scary shit right there!

I don't have to worry about that on a foggy night because most of my doppelgangers will also have their low beams on, thus avoiding the simultaneous switch in beam brightness and bestowing the false sense of security offered by assuming it's yet another someone on their way home from Intoxication.

But now the fog is gone and it's cold again and the little person that lives inside my dashboard is telling me that there's freezing rain and snow coming.

The perfect frost is gone and may soon be replaced by ice, and while this also can look neat...it's hell on the trees, and then the street lights and power lines lob frozen projectiles in my general direction when I pass beneath them.

Oh! It's snowing now! I shall have to fill the Super Soaker with alcohol and anti-freeze in preparation for the upcoming confrontation with the snow gremlins on the power lines with their arsenal of ice missiles.

Little bastards.

Many are the paths of weirdness I let my mind travel upon. :)

Beef...It's What's for Dinner!

Just like the ad from the American Beef Council that you hear on the radio.

I made enough meat that we had it for 3 meals. I put it in the Crock-pot and let it do it's thing, and that's what we had.

David had a Knowledge Bowl Tournament on Saturday, and they stopped and ate at Culver's in Marshall before returning home. I didn't really think he'd be all that hungry when we ate.

He proved me wrong.

He ate 2 or 3 large plates full of 'Beef Commercials'.

He really seemed to like it, judging by the fact that he ate that much and that he was saying things like, "Oh, this is sooooo good!"

Todd didn't eat as much because it stung his chapped lips, but he did a good job of it as well.

They said we should have the same thing the next day.

I said, "I can make it close, but I'll have to use all roast. We just ate part of the roast and all of the tongue."

They didn't seem to be grossed out at all.

I was a little disappointed.

And David again had 3 huge servings. He eats more than I do. This is not a small feat.

Now to figure out a way to disguise the liver. :)

Damsel (?) in Distress

Yeah, I stopped for another stranded motorist.
I'll get to that soon enough.

But first - I need to vent a bit, as when I walked out to the Cadillac after work a couple days ago, I saw that someone had hit the front bumper on the passenger side and left a good sized hole in it.

I'm not going to lie. This annoys me. This is the 3rd front end this car has got in the last year.

So now I'm changing up my plans a bit. Instead of slowly going insane and buying a street sweeper to use as my personal vehicle, I now plan to become an assassin...and my street sweeper will be fully armored, have machine guns and bullet proof glass (magnetic...if that's possible), and have blades that swing out from beneath to "Take 'em out at the knees!".

I also plan to have the top of the cab custom built to hold about 8 inches of dirt, and to plant English Ivy and something flowery and viney that will hang down over the windows.

Yeah...That should look nice. :)

But anyway. Back to the topic. Eventually.

Before I get to that, I would like to say that it is VERYVERYVERYCOLD here in MN.

I had to chuckle when I was at Job 1 last night. My crew looked like a bunch of Eskimo Ninjas with their cold weather gear and parkas over their face masks and tightly drawn hoods. It's so cold that the loading bays at both jobs get bitterly cold when the doors are open for any length of time, and a pipe froze and burst at Job 1 while our pops were freezing INSIDE at Job 2.

Indeed...It was so cold this week that even the Buick pretended briefly that it wasn't going to start.

"Silly Buick...You had me going there!" (I might keep "slowly going insane" for a hobby. I'm working that angle here.)

OK. The background details have been established. I'm ready to get to the subject.

Have you ever had one of those moments where you do something, and right as you do it you think to yourself..."Oops. That was not a good idea. This will end badly."

Well, that's how I would have felt LAST week if I had driven to Job 2 in the Cadillac and the roads were as bad as they were yesterday.

Seriously. I don't think I have EVER driven on crappier roads. And like I said, it's COLD!!!

So I called my boss and asked if he had enough work left to make it worth my while to come down.

He said, "Probably not."

So I went down.

When we were done 2 hours later, I swung over to the Wally for a couple of movies.
(I also picked up 11 post-Christmas clearanced "Terry's Chocolate Oranges w/Toffee". These are very good and I recommend you try them if you have not already done so. This has nothing to do with the story, but it's so cold that Wal-Mart was closed overnight tonight so I was not able to buy out the rest.)

And then I drove home...ward. (Whoa! De-ja-vu!)

By Cottonwood, there was a truck in the ditch.
I stopped and offered a ride to the person no longer driving.
But this time, I can't tell you if it was a male or female as the person was actually dressed for driving in horrible weather and I couldn't see any part of them except for a small bit of face.

English was not this person's primary language, so there was a bit of a language barrier - which didn't make it any easier to identify the gender.

At any rate, as you've already figured out, the person accepted the ride.
They lived "4 miles down Highway 4". That was the extent of the conversation. From there, I got as close as I was allowed to through hand gestures pointing the direction to go.

And Highway 4 was not pretty. There would have certainly been some "This will end badly" thoughts if I had driven on the road last week if it had been in the same condition.

But it's not last week, and neither the road or the car are in the same condition. And since the front end needs to get replaced anyway, I pounded snow drifts that I wouldn't even consider TRYING with the Buick... and I have way more faith in the Buick!

I shit you not. The road looked like "An Ocean of Snow in High Winds" with waves over a foot high in places and with wave after wave after wave pummeling the front end of my trusty car.
However, there were no thoughts of "ohshitohshitohshit..." like last time. Instead, there was some..."Hello!"s, and some "Oh, there you are!"s as my wheels reclaimed paved road.

In fact, I was having such a good time that the person had me drop them off at one of their neighbor's houses.

I heard them say "YOU bring me home!!!"

Funny. THAT came out clear enough!
Ha! I taught him or her to speak English.
(I suspect they were as white as I am by the time they got out.)

Then I drove home and woke up the kids to watch movies. I figured school would be closed for the day, and it was.