Sticky

Another storm is moving into the area.

The rain is pelting the air conditioner and making as much noise as it does when it hits the roof of a tin shed. The lightning flashes light up the surrounding buildings and landscape in brief moments of almost daylight brightness. The radio announcer is on and saying that the severe weather has crossed into MN from SD and he's giving out all the same "take precautionary measures" advice that he's said every weekend since I took the Lincoln out of storage 4 weeks ago.

Well, hopefully the vehicle makes it through yet another storm without taking any hail damage. It's at the mechanic's so that some thingamajig that's stuck inside the doohickey can hopefully be freed without breaking the gizmo... well, it isn't running quite right.

But I wasn't planning to blog today about my car problems.
(I might do that after they get fixed...)

So let's get to the story already, shall we?

It's about Dangit. (my cat)

I'm pleased to say that I have not caught a mouse inside the house since I put out all the traps I mentioned in the last post. Dangit caught at least one on one of his nighttime prowls, and I did get a couple in one of the live traps out in the garage, but that doesn't matter here.

What matters is... and pay attention if you have a cat... do NOT forget to close the door to block the cat from entering any rooms that have a glue trap.

Yup. You guessed it. He stepped on one.

And then he freaked because it stuck to his foot and lifted off the ground when he tried to move. He immediately began to try to shake it off, which slapped the trap along the side of his leg and also caught part of his tail.

And damn! That is some tough stuff! All of his actions took place in a matter of seconds, but to try to pry him loose wasn't nearly as quick. I seriously wondered if I wasn't pulling all the hair out and leaving him with big bald spots.

So after the cat was free from the glue trap, I realized I had a problem. Namely... he had glue all over his leg and more on his tail. Well, I've never had to be the fix-it-up chappy for something like this, so even though cats are supposed to hate water I decided to stick him in the sink and see if a little soapy water would eat off the glue.

Nope.

So then, the cat and I, we took a shower. By now I have quite a lot of glue... and cat hair... stuck to me - and I'm still doing my best to clean the cat.

Well, showering with a cat actually went way better than I anticipated. I think he may have understood that I was trying to help him... or maybe I misread him and the look he was trying for was, "If I still had claws I would use them to remove your eyeballs." Either way I think we did a really good job of getting him cleaned up. He's probably high from eating glue while he cleaned himself, but at least he's clean enough to be in the house during the rain we're currently getting.

If it clears up tomorrow the trees should pull easier, and if it doesn't I still have to paint the bathroom. (and clean glue out of the sink and shower) I went with plain white for the ceiling and a green for the walls.

"Koala Bear" is what the color is called. And like I said, it's a shade of green. I always think of Koala's as being a khaki/tan color. Guess i was wrong on that!

dirty koala bears... :)

The Jungle

I had these grand plans to get up early and get a lot of yard work accomplished today. (This term being loosely applied. Although I have the smallest house and it's tucked away at the end of the dead-end street, I'm still the primary landowner for the three houses on the block. However, very little of that land would actually be considered "yard".)

I even followed through with the part where I got up early - and I even went right to the work part.

We hauled out 3 loads of branches last weekend and I'm really pleased with how things are looking. 3 or 4 dead trees that I didn't even know were in there were removed, as well as that big half-dead tree that was next to the house. (Sure am glad I found that hard hat along the road one time. It worked. But I seem to have misplaced the gloves I found like those that highwire techs use, so thankfully the branches fell where I wanted them to.) We also took out a couple of the other trees that were not looking very healthy or were growing all weird and blocking the younger, more desirable volunteer trees from growing straight...and a whole lot of the smaller not-quite-lilac-or-flowering-crab trees that were either in the way, ugly, or busted all to shit after the big trees fell on them.

But today it's just me. As of yesterday the kids are at their mom's for the second half of summer.
(She sent a text message that read, "Did you really tell David that he couldn't bring a couple extra pairs of shorts/jeans with? All I have that fit him here are some pjs." ...or something really close to that. I had several immediate responses to that. One was, "Perhaps you'd like to take some of that $5,000 or so you now owe me for past medical and go buy him some instead of supplying your unemployed douchebag with cigarettes...oh, and by the way - Todd needs braces." Another was, "David and I now wear the same size. Perhaps David and unemployed douchebag also wear the same size. Then, at least, unemployed douchebag would finally be contributing something!" And of course, there was the "Oh...phkkng-drop-ded-u-dum-btch!" So many choices. I just couldn't decide which to send back! Instead, I let him take a couple pairs of shorts that had some damage but still looked nice.)

So, it's 8:30 AM today and there's no breeze to speak of and I have to pause now and then from swinging the pickax to dig out roots so I can wipe off the sweat that's dripped onto my glasses.

Then it's 9:30 or so and I've been working on the same small section all morning and am pleased with how things are looking, but would like to speed the process up a bit. I look at the stump sticking out from between the rock crevice it's lodged in . It's sprouted a lot of new growth even though I just cut the damn thing off last weekend. I think it even shot out some new leaves while I was swinging the pickax as it braced it's roots into the rock so I couldn't get at them.

It was becoming a bit of power struggle and I wasn't winning.

So, despite that I know this is NOT something you do with your car... I hooked up the tow strap and enjoyed the instant gratification that might lead to trying it again, and again, and so on until the transmission is wrecked.

I figured I should ponder on that a while, so I did. And it wasn't getting any cooler, and there still was no breeze, and my 64oz mixture of Diet Dew and blue slushy from SA was empty, and the little red light that tells me that I haven't been paying attention to the gas gauge was lit up when I backed up to the tree... so I retrieved the mug and off to the gas station I went.

I pull up to the pump, get out, set the mug on the roof, and am about to grab the nozzle when a voice from another vehicle says, "Excuse me, sir? You're pulling a tow strap."

Oops. Better get out of the heat for a while. ;)

yellow black yellow black yellow black

Ever had one of those work days that seem to drag on a bit longer than necessary?

I'm working the PM spot this week as the PM Supe is on vacation. I really enjoy the PM crew and we get along great, so the week has flown by... but woe is me, there was an upgrade scheduled for the portable computers the drivers use - and it always takes longer than the time it says it should take and involves at least one call to the company's tech support group.

So now I'm sitting here, waiting for "the next available representative" to take my call.

It's the last step of the installation and there's only one left to complete. I've sat here for over an hour while all of the other Data Information Acquiring Devices chirped and beeped and completed the upgrade like good little troopers, but they're all the newest version of this style Hand Held Terminal - and the one that's being bucky is Version 3 (the previous version).

So as I patiently waited for all of the other HHT's to complete the upgrade, the computer screen that displays their status had them all flashing from yellow to black to yellow to black (and so on) except for the DIAD3... who just sat there mocking me while the little square representing it on the computer screen remained a solid green.

But what's a guy to do? I locked the building up for the weekend and completed everything else work related that needed to be done. I checked the other blogs and saw Connie's is the only one that's been recently updated. I inspected my $125 Nike ZoomVomero3 running shoes and am quite pleased with myself for having worn off the grips on the bottoms and blown out the sides and lacerated the breathable mesh at least 7 times - and probably still haven't ran in them for over a mile in total combined running time.

There's a stain on the toe section of the right shoe. It's been there a while. I don't even remember what it's from but suspect it's probably chainsaw oil from last summer...

Ah! What is this? The call was a success! Version 3 is chirping away in the charging rack outside the office door! Now the download begins! (yellow black yellow black...)

... where was I?

Oh yeah. Chainsaw oil on shoe. And speaking of chainsaws, I need another one. The one I have is in great shape. It starts fine and runs fine and all that... but I have trees to remove and it's nice to have the extra one available to cut out the first one when the tree makes an unexpected shift and the blade gets stuck. (If you say you've never left a chainsaw sticking sideways out of a tree trunk while retrieving the back-up, you've either never used a chainsaw for any length of time, or you're lying.)

I like trees, and it pains me to have to cut them down, but the woods are storming my castle. Not exactly the same way Shakespeare's woods did (which would be significantly cooler) but you get the idea.

I've finally cleared the vegetation behind the house enough to walk all the way around it without pushing branches to the side, but I still have a long way to go and it's overdue in getting done. A couple of years ago, a few friends came over and we took out a number of the larger trees that could've posed a threat of root damage to the foundation of the house. The trunk of one of them was loaded with carpenter ants, and recently I've had some carpenter ants show up inside the house, so I suspect there's a nest...or swarm...or hive...or colony...or an Ant's Anonymous meeting ...taking place in the half-dead tree on the side of my garage. (Of course, the power line to the house also had to be right there.)

And there's other wildlife that's been trying to enjoy the comfort of being indoors.

(My blog. I can start a sentence with "and" if I want to. So there.)

Back when I put up the new gutters, a squirrel sat in the back gutter and burrowed his way through the facia board and into the garage. Thankfully there were no further unauthorized entry attempts made by this squirrel after I patched the hole - with tin - as I'm not sure how to operate the live trap a guy at work gave me. (For the squirrel's sake, that is. My next attempt would have been to put a piece of metal on either side of the hole that the squirrel would have had to squeeze between. I would've then hooked up the cables, turned the knob to "jump start", and fried the little rat-bastard the next time it came in.)

I recently arranged the garage again. (Bought Todd a new bike. Between the bikes and yard equipment it was getting hard to navigate the maze.) Plus, the next day a friend and I would be ripping out my shower, walls, and floor because the people that installed it wanted to save the extra $20 it would cost to use the right sheetrock under the tile. I was also arranging the garage for tool-usage space in case in case of rain.

As I was finishing up for the night, a mouse ran along the concrete ledge below the garage window. It stopped when it was even with me and looked me over. Well, I'm not one for having mice in the house - but it wasn't in the house - so I did the same in return.

I suppose we hung out there for about 15 minutes. It's little ears would perk up when I talked to it. It waited patiently while I dug out my phone and figured out how to zoom in. It wasn't at all bothered when I decided I didn't like the way the picture turned out and took the next picture with the camera held about 6 inches from it. Nope, it even waited for me to walk outside the garage door and bring in the cat. It calmly sat there with it's ears perking up as I talked to the cat, like so... "It's right phucking there! What the hell are you looking at?!" ...and then it started to feel sorry for me and my futile attempts to get the cat to understand that there was a motionless mouse right in front of where it was being held, so it helped me out by moving to get the cat's attention. (Down into the cinder blocks.)

Yup. Cute little thing. I don't know why people are so scared of them.

But like I said, I don't want 'em in the house... so I set 8 glue traps, 3 live traps, and 5 "snap" traps. Blech. There's NEVER just one mouse so I've had some luck...if you'd call it that. (No poison. Don't want dead mice stinking to high hell in the humid heat somewhere in a wall.)

Besides the whole new shower set-up and getting the garage in order, I've been busy outside as well. My spare firepit is about to become my primary firepit. My old one saw a lot of use while I knocked back the shrubbery (Monte Python would be proud) with the old hand scythe like some Crocodile Dundee bushman, or Chainsaw Massacred my way through the Living Dead trees. The last time I emptied the ashes there was daylight showing through a few spots.

I had my first visit from a vandal since moving here. This person broke solar lighting on both sides of the path and smashed the glass to a seperate solar light closer to the patio. They also, um...moved?...the marble gazing ball I had in the back part of the property. (Not sure if it got stolen or rolled down the hill somewhere.)

I'll admit that I find this a bit annoying. I can more-or-less fix the path lights and have 5 more of the solar lights like the one that got smashed that have never been put in the ground. I even have a spare marble gazing ball that's never been taken out of the box. But I shouldn't have to replace this stuff.

If it happens again I might have to Gladiator/300 someone with my Garden Claw Red. ;)

Oh, and I picked up one of those Mantis garden tillers like you see on TV. 4-cycle Honda engine, lightweight, and handy as can be for areas you can't get at with a rear-tine tiller. It's the more expensive version, but if you've thought about getting one I'd say you wouldn't have buyers remorse after doing so! (This promotional statement not authorized or paid for by any political candidate or the makers of motorized yard equipment, or their affiliates. Cheap bastards.) :)

Y.M.E. (Part 2)

It's weird how you can remember so many things from your childhood but can't remember where you set your wallet 15 minutes ago. (Not that I'm currently missing my wallet...or checkbook...or phone...)

So, as I was saying, back when I was still a wee young lad and attending grade school at East Side Elementary, I always enjoyed "story time". It was usually right after lunch (which I also enjoyed) and recess.

I remember several of the stories that were read to us. Most notably was probably, "Where the Red Fern Grows"... and that being most noteworthy as I'm sure Val and quite a few of our classmates remember it as well. (5th grade. Mr. Schwanabeck and Mr. Moon.)

But there was another story from (if I'm remembering right) Mrs. Schultz's 3rd grade class that I've long wondered if anyone else remembers. It was one of those stories that came with a record - which was a bonus because there'd be music and singing included with the narration.

The catch to this is, as was stated in the story, only one person at a time knows the song.

Ever.

If that person should teach someone else the song, then they immediately forget it.

So I took it upon myself to Google and YouTube the lyrics...and found none.



And I know I might be a little strange in what I choose to remember (like how I memorized Edgar Allen Poe's "The Raven" in Bjornebo's Junior High English class) but the song and the story went like this...

"In a whole doughnut
there's a nice whole hole.
When you take a big bite
hold the whole hole tight!
If a little bit bitten
or a great bit bitten...
there are no nuts
in a you-know-whaaaaaaaaaat?
...in a doughnut."

And I could totally sing that right now without the record to follow along with.
So of course I've asked myself, "Is this like one of those Highlander deals, where there can be only one? Am I then, that one? Is there always one? Am I now immortal unless I go senile and unintentionally teach it to my caregiver?" (Remember...only one person at a time. No master/apprentice duo thing like the Star Wars Sith Lords do.)

"I am Chad Nowacki of the clan Nowacki, and I cannot die - for I know the doughnut song."
(Nope. Sounds way cooler when the McClouds say that using their own last name. Guess I'll need to come up with my own immortality catch phrase.)


Well, East Side Elementary is no longer. The building is still there but it's not a public school anymore. The same can't be said for the Junior High as it was demolished last year and is now just a big, empty grass lot. The High School I went to is now serving the city as the Junior High and a new H.S. was built several years ago.

But even though the buildings may have gone da-way-of-da-dodo and locker #490 no longer has combination lock code 27-9-41, I still have memories from each school.

For example, Mr. Doyle (Junior High) was the first person I ever heard use the expression, "The carpet matches the drapes." when referring to a red haired individual. He also taught us that, if we were to ever find ourselves in a situation where we are alone and injured from an open wound and in need of medical attention that's not nearby...say, like in a desert or something...that our first morning urine is good for preventing/treating infection.

Well! Isn't that just good to know?



So now my kids are in J.H. and H.S., but in a different town. They're learning a lot of the same things I learned as I learned a lot of the same things my parents were taught.

I told them to ask the teacher at Thanksgiving time, "If the Indians taught the Pilgrims how to hunt and farm and fish, what did the Pilgrims eat before they got on the Mayflower?"
(They didn't ask.)

The school my kids attend is called Yellow Medicine East. It's often shortened up to Y.M.E. which in turn is shortened by pronouncing the abbreviation as "Why-Me".

The town itself, I believe, rests partly in Yellow Medicine County and partly in Chippewa County. And I'm not entirely caught up on my Native American cultures, but I believe the Upper Sioux Reservation rests in Chippewa County... and unless the Chippewa were a branch of the Sioux (compare here the Lutheran faith with umpteen variations all under the same name) I find it a little odd that it's not called Sioux County.

There's a river somewhere along the 30 mile stretch between my jobs called the "Yellow Medicine River". I don't know if the river was named first or if the county was, or if either had anything to do with the naming of the other - and I haven't researched the topic at all, but I'd guess that "Yellow Medicine" was somehow named in a round-about way by the natives.

I just really hope that it wasn't by a young brave who came up on some pale-face who was taking a first-morning-piss on one of his cuts...



"...and his eyes have all the seeming of a demon that is dreaming and the lamplight o'er him streaming casts his shadow on the floor, and my soul from out that shadow shall be lifted nevermore!" (Sorry. Still really like that poem.) :)

Plant Shock

If you are bored reading about plants, please note that Sheila has finally updated her blog.
It's only been... What? Two-and-a-third months?!

I think I might finally be just about over the Bronchitis. I probably had it for a good 3 weeks before I went in, but when my breathing took on the sound that an old fan makes when it's shut off - I figured it was about that time...but first I went to the Chinese buffet and had seafood. No allergic reaction to accompany the breathing difficulty already brought on by the Bronchitis, so apparently God still has some plan for me. I'm still lost as to what this plan might be, so instead I played in the garden.

So... as I work on my Outdoor Living Area (as my old crew from UPS calls it) I'm doing a lot of learning on the fly. I've found that it's not a good idea buy a bunch of plants before you have a spot prepared to plant them, and I've also found that when having a patio and gardens and a few hundred feet of looping paths, it's a good idea to finish a section rather than jump around to whatever area amuses me at the moment.

Yesterday was hot. While I was feeding the mosquitoes they couldn't help but sweat on me.

So I got to thinking that maybe I should try for a tan this year. Like, normal people tan - not just the tan head, neck, arms, and legs with Pasty White Boy feet and torso.

So I took off the hat and shirt and put on David's old flip-flops (bought him a new pair for the D.C. trip) before I watered the plants. This seemed like a good idea at the time, but apparently it was a little too much for a couple of the newer, less established plants to take in - for when I turned around, some of them were looking all flat and lifeless.

I think I heard them scream in horror a little bit.

But as I said, it was a really hot day... so I figured there was a chance they maybe suffered a mild case of sun-stroke, or perhaps were just teasing me about my Edward-the-vampire-glowing-by-daylight whiteness.

Either way, I figured the best thing to do was dump a little cold water on them. And so I did... and thankfully all but one or two came out of it.


I made a trip up to Willmar to get some more hoses and connectors but came back with those - plus another Bleeding Heart, 2 more Speedwell, 3 Salvia, and 6 more Asiatic (or maybe Oriental. I confuse the two.) Lilies. (All but the Salvia are planted.)

When I got back from Willmar, I hooked up the trailer (new tire and lighting wiring installed last Thurs) and made a trip up to the compost pile for some grass clippings to use as mulch. I'd use my own grass clippings, but the mowable part of my yard is too small...and I had a bit of a dandelion issue this year.

When I reached the compost pile, I found that some nice person had dug up a whole lot of their Iris plants and disposed of them for me to bring home.

So i did.

But there are a lot, so I gave a box full to one of the guys from work and tried to pass off more to mom and dad. (No luck there.)



I'm trying to be careful to not wreck the natural beauty of my property with all the plants I'm putting in, but I can't help but wonder if the plants I buy are considered a weed in some other chunk of the world. That being said, if anybody who reads this would like some Solomon's Seal, Lily-Of-The-Valley, or Engelman Ivy - I have an abundance of it. In fact, going by the prices they ask at the nurseries, I'd guess I've probably "weeded" out over $1,ooo worth just this year!

Oh yeah. Got some Purple Iris for you, too. And there's a grass that I bought that I could give you. I recently looked at the label of one in a nursery, and in the spot where it has "spread" it said "indefinite" - which is a nice way of saying, "This shit is a weed as far as you're concerned. You can't honestly be considering buying this to put in your garden. Why would you put grass IN your garden? You should be taking grass OUT of your garden!!!"

At any rate, I now have transplanted this grass to several other locations and still have the original plant in the original spot. I give credit to the guy who came up with the notion of potting up "Native Grass" (weeds) and marketing it as "Naturalizing". They saved themselves the hassle of actually having to learn anything about flowers and still cashed in on the deal. However, if I wanted the Naturalized look, I wouldn't be spreading Weed-N-Feed across the dandelion patch!



Aside from the grass-weed, I moved several of those clumps of Sedum from where they'd been growing wild since before I bought the place. At least, it sure looks and feels like Sedum. I'm going to feel really stupid if it's not.

One of my neighbors has Giant Poppies in his gardens. He has given me permission to stop by and get the seed pods when the plants are done flowering for the year. I sure hope the opium farming doesn't interfere with my meth lab and chop shop businesses. :)

(Shhh. Maybe the police will stop by and tear my house up. Yay! New carpet!!!)


Getting late. Got another day of donating blood ahead of me so I better get some shuteye.

;) <- (not sure if that's shuteye or if I just have long, beautiful lashes.)

Later!

Y.M.E. (Part One)

When I read a book (if possible) I like to read the whole thing straight through. I didn't read the Harry Potter series until after the last book came out because that would require waiting to get to the end. (Not that I ever jump to the end to make sure the book has a happy ending... I just like to read the whole thing from start to finish.)

I guess my blog posts work the same way. I have 3 unfinished posts between this one and the last published one, so apparently if I don't finish them in one attempt I won't finish them at all!

So anyway... Here's a quick review of the nearly completed school year. I don't have a whole lot to put on here about Todd, except that he's shown some interest in joining archery and tennis next year....and maybe bowling as well...which is great news as I've really been struggling to get him involved with the athletics part of school.

The bad thing is, he's really good at sports and gets an "A" every quarter in gym (I only remember getting A's for archery and swimming) - but for some reason that I've yet to discover, he's reluctant to join.

Not that he could join anyway, as he brings home the attention grabbing upper-case "F" every quarter for band, but at least he's showing an interest. (He never turns in his practice time and occasionally skips his lessons.)

I'm really hoping that David also joins archery and bowling. The bowling part because he recently outscored one of his friends who's won trophies and been bowling for years - and the archery part because I honestly think that Todd would kick his ass... and David could really use a lesson in humility all served up nice and tidy by his younger brother. :)

Alllllllrighty, then. About David...

This year, as I think I may have mentioned in an earlier post, David dropped out of basketball to be on the Math Team and be in the Knowledge Bowl. He was oddly reluctant to ask permission to do so, but was given an enthusiastic "Hell yeah!!!".

I can't tell you right off hand how they did... and he's currently in Washington D.C. with the Regiment 212 Marching Band (the combined marching bands from Yellow Medicine East of Granite Falls and the Montevideo High School - which are both towns on Highway 212) ...and it's now midnight:35ish where he's at and probably not the best time to call him.

He was also in tennis again this year. I'm not sure if it has anything to do with the combination of his mom having played racquetball and me growing up with a ping-pong table in the basement, or if if the credit should go to the Wii game system, but the boy really seems to have a knack for the game. In fact, (I say this proudly as I just plain straight-up suck at most sports involving a ball - thus, no A's except for archery and swimming) he's Second Singles... which means he's the second best player on the team, and it's only his second year.

Of course, the down side to this is that he plays the second best player on whatever team they compete against - which often means he's paired with some really strong players. And even though he was handed more losses than wins this year, he made the other guy work for it.
(I was only able to make it to one game this year as they were mostly out of town, but at that game the back-and-forth hitting during one of their volleys...or whatever the tennis term is...went on for so long that the matches on both sides of theirs stopped to watch, and the spectators for both the visiting and home teams broke into applause when the volley...thing... ended!


OK. Gotta think now...

Oh yeah. David was also on the Honor Roll every quarter this year. (Todd? Ummm... No.)

Aside from Marching Band which I'd mentioned earlier, David also played in the Pep Band, and there's probably something else band related that I'm forgetting.

Unfortunately, the school (again - Y.M.E.) is set up with fewer time slots available for classes than we had where I went to high school, and David had to drop out of choir in order to take Spanish. (I liked choir.)


Without taking the effort to go through any of the earlier posts to see if I'm repeating myself, I'll take the chance of saying that David and Todd are often in the once-a-week, small town local newspaper. In the past, Todd is usually standing where he's mostly blocked by someone or he's just outside the frame of the picture - but this year he had some really nice close-ups of him. (One for helping with the Christmas Cookie Music Dept. Fundraiser, and the other for a Science/Invention Show.)

And back to Todd...

The kid has an incredible talent for stretching out his homework in order to get out of housework.

His class had to read "The Giver" and do a book report on it. It took him so long that I finally said, "Todd, I could have read the whole book AND done the report by now!!! Quit screwing around! I wanted to go fishing sometime this weekend!"

He said, "Fishing?"

Done. 15 minutes.


So once again I am without kids - with David being in D.C. and Todd at his mom's.
Time for laundry and for some male bonding with Dangit. (the cat)

And as I spellcheck this, I see the only part of "midnight:35ish" that's wrong is the "ish".
Guess that should have been "midnight:35 or so". My bad. :)

Peaceful

I had a decent day today. The house and the cat received just about zero attention - but even so I still got a lot done. The kids are at their mom's so there was no stream of friends wandering up, and no refereeing needed to be done.

Just me, all by myself, doing whatever I felt like doing.

I started the day by hitting some of the garage sales. I used to hit them all the time when the kids were small and I was broke.

However, David is now wearing the same size clothes I am... and Todd still has all of David's stuff... and we really don't actually need anything in particular - but I figured I'd give it a shot.

So, I picked up two sleeping bags (free) and 3 CDs ($.50 each).

Then I decided I should do something I've never done, but tomorrow I plan to pick up a shotgun for Todd and possible a computer for me, so I decided this would need to be something relatively inexpensive.

Say, like, $10 or less.

So I asked myself, "What can I do that I haven't done before for less than $10?"
Naturally, it came to me that I could lay siege to the neighbor's enormous NEW camper/with accompanying NEW Volkswagen Beetle in tow by lobbing flaming arrows into the ground near the door.

But I don't have a bow... or a set of arrows... and it sounded like a waste of alcohol.

So I ate breakfast at Subway.

Then I wandered up to the library to put in some Facebook time. A friend that moved back in junior high had sent me a message asking about some of the other people in the class. I always enjoy hearing from this particular friend as he talks to me like we're still just kids having fun on the snow hill (if we remembered our snow pants, as he would point out) but on his "wall" he talks like the hard luck, drop-out, tattoo artist that he became.

Woe is me. The computers at the local library are older and can't handle some of the friend's profile pages without locking up. (Moriah - This is why I never comment on your status updates anymore.)

After having locked up the computer... again ... I decided that the weather really was planning to stay cold and windy. Since there was no longer any use in waiting it out, I decided to do some weeding and plant some of the flowers I have laying around.

Even though the temp was lower than optimal, the scenery is just beautiful. The flowering crab, apple trees, lilacs, and many more of the spring flowering trees are in full bloom here. I don't have any of these on my own property - yet...except for 1 tiny lilac that I just stuck in last summer - but I do have many lilac type trees that will pop into full bloom sometime this week, and my property will be covered in white, pink, and red flowers. Nice! (Yes. I know...pictures.)

It came to my attention that some of the perennials sure do take their sweet @$$ time about showing any indication that they made it through the winter. However, Obedient Plant is not one of these.

In fact, I think they should call it Disobedient Plant. Or maybe even Downright Unruly Plant. I can't believe how much it spreads in just one year!!!

But there were other less aggressive plants that still haven't shown signs of life. I removed one of these thinking it was dead, only to find that I'd done so in error. I suspect that a couple of the others also would have come around if they'd been left alone, but I wasn't really in the mood to spend a bunch of time weeding AROUND something that might be dead.

I do a lot of thinking while I'm weeding, and I compared myself to the plants. Am I like that plant that's just kind of there but in no hurry to grow? Or am I one that's already up and already blossoming? Or is my moment of glory still a short stretch down the road?

I read a saying once that went something like..."To have a garden is to be close to God."

For me, it's more like..."To have a garden is to play at being a god." This, of course, because I get to pick and choose which plants live and which plants die. And since this was the first weeding of the year, my maniacal laughter could have been heard echoing off the canyon walls as I gleefully screamed, "Die, damn you! Die! Die Die!" as I removed the dandelions from my project.

At least it could have if there were canyon walls here. Or if I really was THAT excited about pulling weeds.

In all actuality, it really was a calm day. I even passed on dragging out the Boom Box (yes, I still have the one I bought back in 1989ish) so as to enjoy listening to the critters - the blue jays, robins, cardinals, some black birds, and some I haven't identified. I paused in my work to listen to a mourning dove - partly because I grew up in an area where there were so many of them to listen to and partly because I wanted to pause in my work.

In fact, the only interruption in my peaceful day was when I heard someone talking to someone else out on the road.

I heard them say "Push. Push! PUSH ALREADY!"

I've never actually delivered a baby, so I just minded my own business.

And then I heard the engine crank over, and realized someones vehicle must have quit.

But then I heard the man say something about "...pull up your panties..." followed by what sounded like a black woman sounding off right back at him. And since I only know one black female in town, and she's a friend, and she just happens to live the direction the commotion was coming from, I decided to investigate.

So I meandered down the path from where I was working out to the road. While I was doing this, I questioned why it was that the female was the one pushing the stalled vehicle.

As I got out to the road, I glanced toward a van at the same time someone started it. I could still hear the male voice, so I walked out a bit more to see if there was another vehicle.

Nope. Just the guy walking toward the van.

So I turned and walked back up the path.

And just as I walked out of his sight I heard him say, "That's right. Go back in the woods."

Which stopped me cold.

And when he next glanced up the street toward where I HAD been, he found that I was once again there.

And I was a bit pissy. And while I've never been in a fight, I knew that he only had his can of beer, while I had an entire arsenal of weaponry that he couldn't even see. (At this point in the story I would like to mention that I've never actually used a Garden Weasel but suspect that it's probably worthless. On the other hand, The Garden Claw Red...a registered trademark of The Garden Weasel... is not only fantastic for weeding without bending - it's also perfectly balanced like it was designed for guys who plant flowers and have fairy statues to throw at drunk guys who are verbally and emotionally abusive to females.)

Plus, I had to defend the reputation of the loner guys one might find in the woods.
I mean, really! Has this guy never seen the movie "Deliverance"?
* cue here the hillbilly banjo boy... :)

Apparently it shows when I'm pissed. I heard him say "Go." to whoever was in the van.

I thought, "That's right. Be afraid! Run from my flower power. Bitch." :)

So then everything went back to quiet and peaceful. I planted some English Ivy, some Hosta, some Columbine, four of something I can't think of the name of right off hand, and so on.

Then I went back to Subway for supper so that the day would be well rounded, and enjoyed my sub and some clam chowder and a beer of my own while sitting on my swingy thingy and watching the birds and listening to the wind chimes.

Oh, and I forgot to mention I dug up an old marble and a pair of glasses that looked a lot like the ones Sheila was wearing in her graduation pictures.

Oooooh yeah. Next time I stare someone down I'm going to be wearing those! :)

Well. It's getting late. I should get to sleep. Outside. In my free sleeping bags...