"Satan"

That's the name I have programmed in my phone for my ex. It gives me a lot of pleasure to have my phone ring and be able to show people that Satan is calling me.

Then I explain to them who Satan really is. If they find this amusing I go on to tell them that they can also call her Satan...
Or Lucifer...
Or just "Luc" for short. (Pronounced Loose)
Of course, I try to draw attention to that last one so they catch the double meaning. :)


Going in a different direction now...


Anyway, my notion of cleaning the floor by putting scrubby pads on my palm sander wasn't a complete success. But I don't think it'll be a complete failure, either.
While the contraption did a fantastic job of whipping up a nice foamy lather, it just wasn't aggressive enough to get the deep down dirt out of the linoleum.
(Maybe if I use Coke, or tomato juice, or something else with a lot of natural acids...)

On the other hand, I think it would work great for scrubbing off dead skin or skin that's peeling due to a sunburn - and would probably give a nice massage in the process!

If it works like I expect it to - or even if it doesn't work worth a crap but is advertised right (like that "Makin' Bacon" thing that was supposed to microwave bacon and have it be crisp and delicious) it's sure to be an instant success.

I figure to call it the "Super Uber...!"

Picture this. You see an add on T.V. for the "Super Uber Acne Remover!" which is being marketed to the high school crowd for use in cleaning their faces for prevention of pimples.
(For those who don't buy it early enough or those that were born ugly even with a clean complexion, there's always the option to put the sandpaper back on for complete face removal.)

Then, in about the middle of August when the super-centers start putting out the Christmas stuff, I'll have the production line change up the color a bit (a can of pink spray paint should do the trick) and I'll market it as "The Super Uber Massaging Loofah Exfoliater!"
I can market it, "What better way to tell that special woman in your life that you love her than by presenting her with the gift a palm sander and some dish scrubby pads?!"

Of course, the box would display a picture of some hottie being lovingly massaged on her delicate bare shoulders by the pink-palm-sander-and-scrubby-pad-combo, which would be being operated by some douchebag who is supposed to represent her significant other.

How could that NOT be the Christmas gift of 2009?!

I mean, really. How could it go wrong? It'd be damn cheap to mass produce so the mark-up would be so minimal that the supermarkets would be sure to display the "Super Uber...s" right alongside the tabloids and candy bars!

Unfortunately, the kids are with Satan for the next couple of weeks so I don't have them here to try it on my own back.

While I wait for them to navigate the inferno, I'll have to see if I can find some more aggressive scrubby pads to try on the floor and possibly the shower tiles.

I'll also be assigning names to the other people in my phone list so that I can show people that "Nature" is calling or something like that. Unfortunately, it won't let me assign the same name to a bunch of different contacts. I'd like to program everyone in my contacts list to display "Booty Call" on the phone screen...

and then leave the phone on the desk at work so the other guys see that little message pop up on the phone every time it rings! :)