Chinese Zodiac: A Guide on Relationships?

A few months ago, I mentioned I'd met someone I was interested in. The interest faded, but while we were seeing each other she asked me if I had any single friends I could set up with one of her single friends.

And at this point I realized that I don't. I'm the last one!
Duke met a girl from CA while playing "World of Warcraft" who has moved to MN and lives with him. Mike got married and had a kid so we won't see much of him for a few years. Keith met and married someone he found on Match.com or one of those type deals. Steve, Dustin, Josh, Dave...all new dads. And so on.

Me? I've pretty much just been single for the last 5 or so years.
Many of my co-workers are around 10 years younger than I am, and all of them at that age are now married. I offer no advice to them when they complain about how often their wives call them at work, or tell stories like "My wife spent $350 on curtains and forgot to tell me she put it on the credit card so when I used it..." because I know they're lucky to have that person in their life to give them a little chaos.

They've told me that I'm too picky. But I'm not. It's more that I just never ask anyone out.
When I do get around to dating, I hope it's someone that's single, straight, reasonably intelligent, attractive to me, attracted to me, with their dominant mood being "happy". I figure if that person finds those qualities in me and is accepting of those qualities, we should do just fine!


I did go on a blind date - once - in the last few years.
She is part Native American, has 8 kids, and wants 2 more.
Anyone care to join me in singing a round of "One little, two little, three little ind...?"
Oops, there goes the tact again. :)

I love my kids, but I only have 2. If I were a female and had 8 kids I'd ask the doctor to tie my tubes.

Around my neck.


Having realized that I now no longer have people readily available to call on any given Saturday to go do stuff with, I find I'm fine with that. I'm happy for them and I hope their relationships are strong and last through whatever trials that are placed before them.

But, maybe one day someone will happen to catch my eye, and I'll say something witty and clever, and I'll find myself dating.

So...

Went to supper with mom at a Chinese restaurant in her town. I go there maybe three times a year but the guy that owns the place always remembers what I get.
(Today, I drove right past the small engine place I needed to stop at. I drove over 30 miles to get there and completely blanked it out that I was supposed to turn when I got to it and had to circle back. And he can remember customers and their eating preferences. It's not fair!)

Anyway, the paper placemats at this restaurant were those that have the Chinese Zodiac on them, and it also offers advice on relationships. I always browse thru the info to see what years the girls I'm supposed to date were born.

According to the placemat, "The Chinese Zodiac consists of a 12 year cycle. Each year of which is named after a different animal that imparts distict characteristics to its year." It goes on to say that the year we were born is the primary factor in determining our personality traits, physical and mental attributes, and the degree of success and happiness we'll have in our lifetimes.

So here's what I found out.

I'm an Ox. If you were born in 1973 you are also an Ox. There are worse names assigned to some of the other years, so deal with it.

The Ox is marked as being "Bright, patient, and inspiring to others. You can be happy by yourself, yet make an outstanding parent."

Fantastic!

But then it goes on to say that the Sheep will bring trouble and to marry a Snake or a Cock.

Hello! Creepy sexual overtones there!!!

I call the kids' mom "Satan". The biblical Satan was a snake at one point. But they don't mean it literally to marry someone that's a snake so I guess I botched that one. And so I read on.

The Snake (born 1977, 1985, etc.) is described as follows...
"Wise and intense with a tendency towards physical beauty. (sweet!) Vain and high tempered.(crap.) The boar is the snakes enemy and the Cock and Ox are your best signs."

So then I checked out the Cock. *snicker*

The Cock (born 1969, 1981) is defined as "A pioneer in spirit, you are devoted to work and quest after knowledge. (Good, she'll be able to carry an intelligent conversation.) You are selfish and eccentric. (again...crap.) Rabbits are trouble. Snakes and oxen are fine.

So then I checked out to see what the problem was with Rabbits and Boars. (Both had better descriptions as far as my personal preference goes.)

The Rabbit (born 1963, 1975, 1987) is the "Luckiest of all signs, you are also talented and articulate. Affectionate, yet shy. You seek peace throughout your life...Your opposite is the Cock."

Opposite? Ouch. So now the Cock is the unluckiest of all the signs and is also a no-talent, harsh-spoken, unloving, chaos seeking soul that isn't afraid to get in peoples faces because she most likely feels superior to them intellectually and expects them to place her on a pedestal.

I see why China still has arranged marriages. If this was the advice they followed in seeking their own soulmates, they probably wouldn't have the population situation they're faced with!

The Boar, then, is described...

Actually, let's pause here while I adjust to the strong scent of alcohol coming from the lady that just sat at the computer station next to me here at the Marshall Library.
Ish. It's not even noon yet. And she's old!
Goodgawdahmighty! I think she bathes in booze! No H1N1 germs will last on this one!
I'm ghandi.

(we pause here for station identification)

Ok. over 12 hours later but I'm back on and ready now.

The Boar (born 1971, 1983) is described as "Noble and chivalrous. Your friends will be lifelong, yet you are prone to marital strife. Avoid other Boars."
(Too bad it's Cock instead of Chicken. The Zodiac would have to pair Boar with Chicken. Everyone knows Boar and Chicken go together like...bacon and eggs.)

Well, thankfully that didn't add anything else to make the Snakes less appealing! (Actually, unless I'm an oddball Ox, the Boar description fits us as well!)

And it's a good thing an Ox can be happy by his/herself with glowing reports like these for the type of people we're supposed to pair with!

Hopefully the horoscope has good things in store for "Aquarius". I'm a little tired of the mismatched sheets and blankets that have served as my window coverings for the last few years. Nobody here to "help pick out curtains"...

So I bought a new belt for the riding lawnmower. And then bought a new pushmower.
Cub Cadet 6.75 OHV RWD 3in1 with bagger attachments. Bring on the daytime!!!