A Spear and a Loincloth. I AM MAN!

Sorry I haven't updated for awhile. I've been busy. My back hurts, my arms hurt, and I have a knot in my left shoulder blade. Both hands and a leg have lost blood. I have blisters and slivers and the start of a sunburn. It was a good vacation!

I spent a lot of time working on the patio and gardens. The shortened version of what I accomplished would be to simply say "I moved a pile of dirt."


The long version is:
- The garden area in front of my house has been weeded and is ready for more plants.
- I completed the building of the 16x14ft box garden behind the swingy thing on the patio.
- The trees lining the patio have been cut back and thinned out a bit.
- With the help of my kids and my new pickaxes (Yes, 2 of them. The kids wanted to swing one and the one I got for me was too heavy for them.) we attacked a pile of dirt someone had left on the empty lot before I acquired it. It had a lot of small trees growing out of it. The trees made a formidable network of roots that made moving the dirt quite difficult. We conquered it and now more of the rock wall on one side of the patio is exposed again.
- The dirt from the pile-o-dirt has been used to fill in the box garden. This done mostly by bribing boy 1 with money to run the wheelbarrow while I attacked the root fortress.
- Many perennials have been planted. Some were bought, some were transplanted from mom's or a friend's or from my own place.
- Mulch has been applied and this particular project could be considered complete. (There's always something else that could and will be added later.)


Gardening is good therapy unless your insanity stems from not being able to control your gardening passion. The perennials came from Redwood Falls, Marshall, Willmar, Granite Falls, Montevideo, and Wood Lake. I have plants from 4 different nurseries as well as from Hy-Vee, 4 Walmarts, Shopko, Home Depot, Menards, 2 or 3 Runnings, and those that I got free from other gardens.

And I want more!
And it's the time of the year where they start running the half price sales! And now I've found an arbor arch that I think is wide enough to drive a lawnmower through that would be perfect for the street side of the path coming through the grove near (from as of yet unstarted - except for some of the plants already being in my possession) garden "Hosta La Vista, Baby!
Whatever shall I do?!

The pickaxes are both double sided, like an anchor, only 1 side is a spike and the other is shaped more like a heavy duty hoe. After I had picked up the second pickax from the local True Value, I gave it to Boy 2 first. I stood back and watched him for a bit. Then, for my own amusement, I grabbed the end closest to me on one of his upswings and yelled "OW!" He thought he'd actually hit me and the look on his face when he swung around was absolutely priceless, as was the expression change as he realized I was messing with him. He scolded me and said I wasn't funny, but he was laughing at the same time. It was even more funny as in my effort to NOT get hit, I'd missed the grab on the first two attempts and he didn't notice my shadow. It's one of those things a person wishes they would have taped.


So as I was thinning out the trees and cutting back branches that were filling in spots where I didn't want them to be, I ran some through the chipper/shredder to use as mulch around the Hostas in The Garden of Sexual Innuendo.


Many of the branches were from those trees that get those little berries on them that birds like and people can't eat. Those trees have evil little spikes on them, thus accounting for my slivers. In retaliation and so that I wouldn't get more slivers, these trees were burned - and so were all the roots from the root fortress. To keep the fire going we added wood from the wood pile I have for fire pit use. And Holy. Toly. Doe - the fire pit sure was used!


And then, when I decided to call it a day and the fire had burned itself out, I used the fire pit to make steaks. I put a patio block in each corner and put the grate on them so that it wouldn't rest in the embers and ash. Armed with only my "grill sized metal spatula", a plate, a knife, a fork, and my super sized 50 cent can of Morton Iodized Salt, I made my steaks.


It was the first time I'd ever attempted to do this. I have never even grilled.


And maybe my steaks didn't have the "hickory smoked" flavor that advertisers like to promote. And maybe they didn't have the charcoal flavor that charcoal enthusiasts prefer.
What I would describe them as possibly having would be, "A fine blend of white birch, cedar, and boxelder, along with the likely cottonwood, apple, and mulberry...and a whole lot of evil-spikey-berry-tree-branches and many roots...along with just a dash of ash bore and a splash of dutch elm disease and just the slightest pinch of lingering poisonous black smoke from burning plastic mulch bags".


At any rate, my steaks were The Bomb Diggiddy. I mean...They. Were. Good!!!

And as I sat before my conquered steer and listened to the fat sizzle and watched the blood and grease drip through the grate and hiss and sputter and create little flames in the embers below, I fully expected the ghosts of a thousand Norsemen and Viking Berserkers to arise from the ground and beat their chests and shields and pound their spears on the earth and blow their animal horn bugles while the God of Beef and the God of Fire came riding up on their Harleys to present me with The Staff of Manhood, for I most certainly had just achieved some major milestone in a guy's life.

But as I waited, all I heard was the sound of birds happily going about their business. I also heard some crickets. And apparently I'd pissed off a squirrel - judging by the barrage of angry sounding squirrel chatter coming from the little beasty.

And as a tribute to the fallen steer I made sure I didn't waste any of the beef. I ate well and threw the bones to the side of the patio that will be next years vacation project. When the wild animals and birds have picked the bones clean and the sun has bleached them and dried them up, perhaps they too will run through the chipper/shredder to be used as mulch for my plants. For I am man. Primitive, but with motorized yard equipment!